speak: learning to breathe again
by speaknsleepover
Summary: melinda is tired of trying to forget never being able to breathe she opens her mouth to speak but words run dry, it hurts... but she is determined to recover and to stop the pain that surges through her every time...every time...


I zip up my pink prom dress. Its beautiful, every sequin like a star plucked straight from the sky and sewn on. I feel proud and ladylike with my sparkly heels. My eyes dont need make up they are naturally lavender through my frailness and lack of sleep; but its getting easier now that... now that he's gone... now that I have friends...

"Mel you ready yet? I really need to straighten my hair?". Thats my best friend Rachel. She's finally started to forgive me well too understand what I told her about that that monster. All of my friends have...

I smile at myself once more convincingly in the mirror. I wipe the remaining tears from my cheeks and smudge in some glitter. my brown hair falls in ringlets tickling my neck and cheek bones. I smile at the crescent moon eyed girl in the mirror. And pick up my mobile from the counter. My screensaver wells the tears again. Its me. Last summer... at my first party...

We snuck out, Rachel and me using lots of old bed sheets and stuff tied up together. We left them tied to a branch and then removed our heels so we could run giggling through the dew stained grass to our friend Ivy's car. She wasnt drinking so she said she'd drive us home.  
I was so excited I gabbled out every thing that came in to my mind. The adrenaline pumped faster and faster. I was finally a teenager, finally going to my senior moment!

"Yeah sure Rach I'll leave the GHD's on for you," I flicked the switch on my phone and the smiling photo disappeared replaced with a haunting trace on the black screen, like with the sparklers on July 4th. I held up my skirt and looked in the mirror again. I forced a smile and tried to put a few stars in my eyes for Rach. I was going to keep her and all of our friends company. No one had asked me. They didnt want to scare me after...

I unlocked the door and trotted out of the bath room. "Oh wow Mel you look gorgeous!" squealed Rach, " here lets get a picture!". She grabbed my phone and snapped a shot. Then she pressed the switch and gave it back. She headed to the bath room her make up bag in tow. She was closing the door as my tears began to trail, but she must have forgotten some thing and popped her head around the door. " Hey mel have u seen my lip gl- oh mel dont cry honey!". She rushed over to me and hugged me tightly. She grabbed a tissue and dabbed at the drops so as not too disturb my make up. "I promise you mel a guy so much as touches you tonight I will personally dismember his skull! I'm not gonna let any one hurt you ok and neither are the other girls. Oh come here", she hugged me again and I laughed. "Why is it always me crying ey?" Rach smiled. "Call me if you need me, I wont be long just need to straighten my hair and add the final perfections" She pulled a dramatic face and I giggled. Then she closed the door. My smile faded as fastly as it had bloomed. I pressed my phone again. I needed to get used to the fact that my life was not stuck it was moving forward. Maybe slow like hair womans camper fan but moving all the same...

The picture of me flashed up on my screen, I was drunk at the time on my second beer, I'd only been drinking because Megan said it was cool and you could dance all night without getting tired. I had thought why not eh? How stupid I'd been - practically Heather!

I remembered Andy coming over to me. He told me I was pretty he asked me to dance. He was the hottest guy there and girls were staring at us green with envy. I blushed with pride and agreed. He took my hand leading me to the grassy dance floor beneath the trees strung with fairy lights. After a swig of beer from his bottle he dumped both mine and his drinks in a bush nearby. The alcohol disturbed a flaming torch nearly setting the whole house alight but it missed narrowly and I giggled nervously. He took my hands which I placed around his neck. His arms were warm and around my waste. Then some kids started throwing water balloons from the top windows of the house. They threw them at us and we got soaked. It was fun we were cheering, laughing and me and andy splashed water at one another playfully. I smiled practically nearly snorting with laughter. I was crying with happiness. Andy grinned too the mood was euphoric. He caught my wrist and pulled me in close his warm arms encircling me again in safety. His eyes caught mine and slowly closed as he pressed his mouth to mine. Both of us smiling. The music played louder. His arms swung me up and around like I was lighter than air, both of us smiling in the kiss our eyes closed in the moment. Then he lowered me back to the ground his fingers in my hair even as it rained and the water balloons went on. As the rain stopped our lips parted, His strong arms brought me up like a baby and he carried me in doors despite my delighted protesting where he sat me on the couch grabbed a towel and started to dry my hair. "I cannot believe..." I began to speak, but I didnt want to sound stupid so I zipped it quick. "What?" Andy crooned over me. "Nothing..." I grinned back at his intreuged features. "Tell me!" He tickled me still laughing, " nothing" I laughed and squirmed. Then I stopped laughing as his eyes caught mine a moment of seriousness abandoning any previous laughter. I could see the battle of what to do in Andys eyes a time bomb tick tick ticking away though I didnt realise my precious time running out at the time. "Let's go for a drive," he said. I looked back nervously I really should tell my friends where I was going. But I'd be safe with Andy they wouldnt mind theyd catch me up later. Andys eyes waited. "Alright lets go" I smiled. He beamed radiantly dazzling me with his charm. Then he pulled my wrist and flicked me on to his back galloping me piggy back style to his range rover in the secluded tree's just far enough from the party too still be able too hear the pounding of the too loud blurred boom box. The jeep was left open there was no need to worry about locking your stuff at a crowded party. It was safe, or so I thought...

He sat me on the passenger seat, "Maybe I should tell my friends" I looked in to his eyes thinking about how good it would be to kiss him again. My lips rubbed together self conciously tasting him. "Tell your friends that your with me" he mumbled sarcastically then his eyes met mine again. They seared in to me scolding me and making my heart race faster. His finger brushed back my hair. He leaned in through the open door practically crushing me, pushing me further back on the lowered seat. All I could feel was him and me in the moment... My arms drew him closer his lips moulded moving perfectly in sync with mine. I could feel every line of his body pressed against mine. And he pressed more and more seriously, he began to unbutton my shirt. "Are you sure you want too?" He managed to break the kiss for a moment, his eyes still closed as he asked the question. Not understanding I pulled him back just wanting more of the kiss nothing else, " maybe I should... Maybe I should tell my..." Andys lips were moving more urgently now as though he was trying to communicate some need too me. "you know what... no... just no..." I put both of my hands limply on his chest and pushed hoping he would understand and just move. "shhhhh shhhhh" He said stroking the side of my face whilst pushing his mouth back to mine. I exulted in the kiss a few moments more though my hands remained on his chest limp and ready to try and defend again though. His other arm slid up my thigh under my skirt ... sickeningly he was trying to remove... my hands hammered against his chest, he wouldnt move he wouldnt move! I screamed "get of me ! get the hell get the hell of! NOW! GET OF AHHH SOME ONE... SOME ONE PLEASE P-P-LEASE H-..." Andy cut me of shoving his hand over my mouth I tried to bite him furiously but this only pleased him. he gave me an evil mocking stare that imprinted on my mind and scarred it. "shhhhhhhh shhhhh now huh?" he heaved breathlessly. My eyes were scared large and pleading for freedom but this only made him more evil and determined. My muffled screams and cries for help seemed to amuse him and to encourage him in the wrong way. I felt him unzipping his jeans... he managed to remove my skirt... I screamed I cried out for help but no one heard. "HHHMMMM! HMMMMMM!SOMEONEHMMMMMM!", no noone heard and he rammed his awful beer reeking tongue down my throat choking me on my screams as well. I went through this awful humiliating life scarring hell for what seemed like decades crying and trying to beat and kick myself away. But it was no use when he was so much stronger than me. Evenatually his "sick needs" were fulfilled. He removed himself from me. Clothed himself and slammed the door. He left me there just left me as though nothing had happened. The pain was excruciating. I cried I covered my eyes not knowing how best to get rid of the fear of the self loathing I felt at myself. I covered my face with my hands and a scream ripped itself madly from my chest. What had I done?

Prom wouldnt end that way would it? I mean I know people ... but ... no one had asked me... so ... I didnt even want to think about it! Nothing like that was going to happen and I just had to get over it. I pressed my phone. The photo appeared and I sucked in my breath to stop the already pricking tears. No it wouldnt happen again. I pressed delete. "Rach, its time to go!" I stood up and smiled at my reflection in the glass window. I would have a great time with my friends tonight, no boys, no fear and no pain. Tonight was the first night of forever.


End file.
